About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
