jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
