I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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