you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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