guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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