I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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