Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
