WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
