Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
