The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
