I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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