I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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