i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
