I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
