ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
