i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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