she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
