I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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