Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
