That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
