she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Randomize
