My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
