I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
