Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize