so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
