I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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