Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
