How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
