a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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