He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
