I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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