I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
