Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
