He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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