is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
