Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize