at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
