Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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