mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I've blown a few things in my day
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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