Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
