I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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