I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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