Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
