Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
