I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
