This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
