READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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