i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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