I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I had to cum in my sink.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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