Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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