I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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