This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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