Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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