Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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