the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
