Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize