I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
