My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm at about main and main street
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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