she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
