The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
