WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
