all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I am one with the molecules
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
