Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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