you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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