Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize