i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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