So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
