the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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