the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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