oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
