Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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